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KawaiiDragoness
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Name: Kawaii
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: New York City
Gender: Female
Interests: Watching anime, reading and buying lots and lots of manga/manwha, running the anime club and Asian Awareness, being a tad too preppy for her own good, reading classically wonderful books, listening to music (Pop rock, J-rock, Asian techno, pure pop , R&B, singer/songwriter, B'way, and everything in between), hating English and History, writing fics (and occasionally originals), singing insanely in Chorus, working for math team, working for debate team, RP-ing, DDR-ing, being insane.... The works.
Expertise: Ranting, falling in love with the strangest people, being insane, RP-ing stuck-up bitches/politians, fanfic (and occasionally original) writing, sportsslash in good doses, singing insanely, failing DDR songs, and not turning in English or History homework. Oh, and some say I'm a good kisser. But yeah.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Kawaii Dragoness
MSN: kawaii_dragoness@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  kawaiimae
Member Since:
5/24/2002
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| Since when was Prom a sit-down dinner? (Former Interschool-ites, can you confirm y/n?)
Am going to work with Time, Inc. this summer (actually with Teen People Online.) It's much trashier than what I expected for this year (actually I was hoping first for the IT of a law firm, then Time's "production end" that glues the conglomerate together, again as a help desk type), but sounds awesome with lots of cool people and lots of really good HTML experience. Plus, I'll be right on Rockefeller Center. (Kinokuniya, anyone?)
Senior Projects dinner tonight. I wanna sneak out and get HOME damnit, though I'm really psyched for yearbook (it's SO PRETTY ZOMG.)
For those of you really out of the loop, yes indeed, I am dating Darwin (not Charles, no, his first name's really Darwin, you can ask for details later.) Makes me kinda sad that I'm gonna have to leave in under 3 months tho. :(
love and such
kawa | | |
| the moment you stopped dreamingGod, it's been a while.
So yes. It's official that I'm going to Florida, all that's left is dealing with the loans. I'm thankful APs are over. Senior spring is an interesting experience, as is seeing the homeroom empty (and clean) on many an occasion. It's hard to believe that after this week I may never be in a chorus again (I don't think there's one in Florida Tech, though it'd be awesome if someone could prove me wrong.) I went to Sakura Matsuri (the cherry blossom festival) at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens Sunday last week, and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, and there were a lot of otaku, some in costume, all some of the nicest people in the world (I've found this to be the cast with most otaku, someday I'll be proved wrong and that'll just suck.)
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I'm breaking up with Anthony today.
Yes, I'm initiating it. No, this wasn't an easy decision for me to make. It's because...it's because I shouldn't feel like I'm leaving something behind, someone who wants so bad to cling and who looks so far ahead that I can't take it. He always did look too far ahead, and that's sometimes really frightening. I know it's supposed to be flatterig, but still. If I did it later, it'd only hurt more, it'd only prolong the pain. I don't want to be the evil ex-girlfriend, I don't want to hurt him, but it looks like I have no choice. We all know how intense summer gets, "summers of love," and I don't know if I can handle that.
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Something else is beginning.
Strange, since I'm breaking up with someone to have no ties back here. Yeah, I met him at Sakura Matsuri. His name's Darwin, he's a junior at one of the small public schools in the Bronx, an engineering/math/science sort of place, the kind of people who go to Florida Tech, strangely enough. At the time I thought he'd end up dating someone else, but she's not his type, or something. He's sweet, he's an otaku, he wants to teach me how to dance. I think I'm falling for him, but I don't know if I can handle it.
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And life continues.
No matter what happens, I will still be in Florida in three months, a thousand miles away from here, away from this city, away from the memories, away from the promises, away from the cold, away from the cherry blossoms (they don't grow down there, it's too warm.) A very different anime club, a very different set of people, male classmates for the first time in six years, bigger computer labs, less humanities courses, lots of math. I'm looking forward to it, to new people and new places and the freedom to drive places and weekends sitting on the beach at Indiatlantic - but I don't know if I can handle leaving New York behind.
Oh life, what are you doing to me? | | |
| More from Florida.Same library again; my mom wants a card here. (Should've brought my laptop, eep.) I'll get my own card in August. Not much has happened in the interim; a few more random Filipinos, a flea market, more walks, more normalcy. Not bad, though.
Surprised people actually responded to my last entry; I never get comments! So I'll reply.
Javi: Psht. I hate cold weather, gives me asthma and all sorts of problems, and (undiagnosed) SAD. This is healthy anyway. 'Sides, you've gotta be jealous of the mangoes.
Razi: And here I was thinking you were dead...what's up with you?
Bah, don't know what to say, really...
kawa | | |
| Florida, and Things.Warm weather and palm trees and shorts and driving in West Melbourne on the 'strip' and running into random amounts of Filipino goodness, who knew? Furniture shopping and Wal*Mart and a haircut (pictures later) and that random Asian grocery on the 192. Fred Lee Park and suburbia and nothing with multiple floors and the vast majority of streets with names and not numbers, almost never numbers.
I'm in the library, sapping off Internet access and delicious air conditioning and laughing at the New Yorkers in the cold. I'm looking forward to spending the next few years here, to shrugging off winter blues and tech school and driving places on my own and crunching numbers with my peers and having new friends and new goals and new protocol. But I wonder just how different things can get, just how much good this change'll do me.
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And what am I leaving behind in New York? Cold weather and preppy elitists and Brearley and "liberal arts education," true; but also Chang Xin, and the dreams I had for Brearley, and the city that I love, and old DDR spots, and walks along Union Square, and milkshakes at FAO, and the hill up Palermo Street, and old friends, and ex-boyfriends who are still friends, and memories on memories.
And Anthony, loyal and unwavering. He swears so much affection and so much dedication. There is a part of me that wants to break it off now, that should've broken it sooner, that can't actually stand it, can't stand constantly hearing "I miss you, baby, I want you, baby, you'll always be my baby..." And then there's another part of me, that needs it so much, that hungers for it, that needs to be loved and missed and what's more, wanted, because I haven't been wanted for so long.
There's some of me, too, that also wants something acceptable, something accepted, something to call "fine," something that doesn't have to go into hiding. Then there's some of me that can't stand the idea of breaking a heart, because mine's been broken often enough, arrogant and trivial as that sounds from a seventeen year old.
It's such a bizarre role reversal considering 'the last time,' and my 'loyalty,' and that sudden way it all ended, pulling the carpet from under my feet. How was I to know, though, how was I to know?
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| To Do list.
* study for English
* study for History
* driving lesson Thursday
* more music
* more origami
* clean room etc
* call Prep
much better than i originally thought. hm.
Kawa | | |
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